apprehension.

So is it just me or does no one care about marriage anymore. True, actual, marriage. Where you save yourself, marry one person, and stay with that one person 'till death do you part. It's lost! Well then I shall be the first to tell you I care. There is nothing more joyous to think about then finding him. Cherishing him. Loving him. With all my heart. Until the end. Alas, I still feel apprehensive. Its not the thought of it, its me feeling like I'm unworthy of such. The sacredness and the maturity of it all leaves me speechless. Do I deserve that Prince Charming that the most high has chosen for me? Well of course I do.

So the best advice on this subject I have found is:

Don't get into the mindset that "is he/she the right one for me?". Rather, set your mind on "have I prepared myself to be the best husband/wife that I can be?". So using this advice, (deep breath!) I turn all my attention away from looking for "the one". He's out there somewhere, and in God's perfect timing we will unite as one. In doing so, it's an easier goal to achieve of not letting myself go too fast, and cherishing when God does decide to send me my Prince Charming : )

So looking upon myself and not on my future prince, I find this:

1. I am a klutz by default when it comes to guys. From 5th to 10th grade I hardly interacted with the opposite sex at all! My experiences were basically really old men volunteering at the hospital and the occasional "hey hows it going" from a guy in youth group. Thats it. I gladly admit to unsocialization. So whenever I'm around guys, its weird; i still feel awkward. Trying to figure out that happy medium between being my happy self, not flirting and not ignoring is basically impossible for me.

2. I rarely flirt. Yes for some of you this is hard to believe, but when I say stuff that could be interpreted as flirting, I'm usually just being my random self. My really, really random self.

3. I am apprehensive. When I see guys that rush into relationships, it turns me off. I need a slow pace. Patience. Gentleness. I have a strong heart when it comes to purity, but when it comes to letting a guy into my heart, my heart is fragile as glass.

4. I need to grow up... in time : ) so as of right now, give me a break I'm still a teenager in high school. I want to enjoy teenage life (although tumultuous) to its fullest.

5. I know that God is readying my heart in due time. My prince, you will be perfect in his image. I as his princess, will be made perfect in his image. And I am praying that in his due time he shall bring us together; and the cohesion, the bonding of our flesh as one shall never be broken.